Let’s be honest: the dating scene is in no way an even playing field. There are plenty of people out there who aren’t ready for a relationship, but they start relationships – often over and over again.
I’ve seen and experienced first hand the hurt and heartbreak that bringing unresolved grief, trauma and emotion into your dating journey and new relationship can cause.
There are no hard and fast rules or formulas to know how long it would take you to recover and feel ready to get back out there again. What is much more important is how you use this time that you have – I wish I knew what a precious time the period after my divorce actually was. And I wish I did a lot more with it.
One of the biggest pitfalls is dating or getting into a new relationship to soon. You can become a snowball of hurt when you move on too quickly. I’ve also seen how rebound relationships can cause intense hurt because they exacerbate the unresolved pain from a marriage breaking down.
Depending on your circumstances, it may be tempting to just get back out there – but getting into dating and a relationship from a position of fear, loneliness or even just plain old curiosity is not the best starting point for a healthy, happy and mature relationship.
Resolution needs to come before connection.
Instead of thinking about how long you should wait or wondering if and when you’ll ever feel ready to fall in love again, focus on investing in yourself and finding out what you uniquely need to work on.
This is what will make the real difference for you – so that you can date confidently, attract the right kind of person and, most importantly, create your best relationship yet.
I am now well and truly through on the ‘other side’ – I’m happier than I’ve ever been and married to the absolute love of my life.
And I know that finding love again, rebuilding your life and being truly happy is possible for you too.
Our work together isn’t just about dating – it is about much more than that. Of course I absolutely want you to have the most fun, sexy and fabulous dating life possible – but what I want for you even more than that is for you to confidently attract the right kind of people and ultimately find love again with the right person for you.
You’re thinking about getting back into dating or a new relationship but you’re scared of being open and vulnerable again
– and you’re determined to do whatever it takes to not repeat past mistakes, sell yourself short or waste your time on unsuitable men and toxic relationships making you feel less and less like yourself.
You’ve been single for so long that you don’t even know where to start to get back into the dating scene
– and you wonder whether it would actually be worth it. Maybe you just don’t feel you have the confidence to get yourself out there at the moment and you find yourself doubting that your would actually ever meet somebody again.
You’re aware that you’re repeating patterns and habits that are unhelpful and maybe even hurtful to you. Maybe you’re in a pattern of only going on one-off dates or getting into short-term (often toxic) relationships
– only to end up back at square one. Maybe you keep attracting ’emotionally unavailable’ men who are not ready for the kind of relationship you’re looking for and where the only real outcome is a dead-end relationship that leaves you feeling heartbroken, insecure and confused – doubting yourself and your own judgement
You’ve been on date after date and you’re starting to wonder if there are any decent ment out there
– either online or in ‘reality’ and you have no idea where to meet the right kind of people for you. And sometimes fleeting moments of promise leave you feeling empty and deflated
The ultimate preparation to date confidently and meet the right person for you second time round.
The exclusive Ready for Love Blueprint is a tailor-made, step-by-step programme that supports you in moving on from the past, rediscover your radiant self, create your personalised plan to date confidently, know exactly what to do to meet the right people for you – and find love again.
Together we will create special practices for your personal breakthroughs, tailored to your personal circumstances and lifestyle.
“If it hadn’t been for Ané, I’m not sure I would’ve so easily recognised ‘the one’ when I did eventually meet him, but when I did little snippets of her wisdom kept coming back to me, reassuring me that this was the real thing.
“Like many contemplative people, I was of the view that I had done the necessary soul-searching and knew what I wanted in a partner. It was just that I ‘couldn’t find him’.
Thanks to Ané’s calming voice, attentive listening, and thought-provoking questions, I soon came to realise that the ‘specification’ of the person that I was ‘looking for’, was not consistent with the one that I would need in order to feel the way I want to feel in a secure and committed relationship. I also came to learn some views I had of myself that were undoubtedly holding me back.
Ané’s insights, drawing from both her personal experience and research, have been the catalyst to help me uncover and tackle these thorny issues. I will be forever grateful. ”
When all is said and done the truth about finding love (again) and attracting the right person for you is not about the external tactics – the ‘rules’ or game strategies – but the inner work and shifts only you have the power to make.
This is the key to stop second guessing yourself and the worry about whether you are getting it right or wrong on the dating scene – and ultimately in finding love again.
My own divorce was the pivotal point in my life that led me to find love again in such a way I could never have imagined possible.
Today I’m happier than I’ve ever been in the best relationship of my life, living a life I love and doing the work I love with all my heart – helping women like you start over in love.
Now I know what it takes. We can all have the relationship we dream of if we’re willing to do the work to get there.
When you decide it’s time for you to get ready to find love again, I’m here for you.
It's taken me a while to write this testimonial for Ané and my time with her, simply because it's been so far reaching and life changing that I've not quite been able to express it fully. My only regret is that I didn't take the plunge to work with her earlier - it would've saved me so much struggle, heartache and confusion. But as Ané said - the moment you're ready will be the perfect moment - unfolding the way it's meant to be in your story. She was so right. When I started working with Ané I was absolutely focussed on meeting someone and getting into a new relationship. I had enough of being on my own (not counting some disastrous dates and ill-judged one-night stands that made me feel awful about myself), and after being divorced for nearly 5 years and dedicating my life to my 2 children, I was going to do anything and everything I could think of to make this happen. Within the space of a few sessions this changed dramatically. My focus shifted completely as I realised that I was heading for another disastrous relationship if I didn't focus on myself and my own life first. I've been so busy keeping everything together, making sure my children came through the divorce and all the upheaval as best as they could, practically being a single parent for years, keeping a roof over our heads and working full time in high pressure environments - I had no idea who I was anymore, or what I really wanted my life to look like going forward. I actually had no idea what kind of relationship I really wanted either. I realised that despite my confident exterior I was terrified of dating again, not to mention being in an actual relationship. Today life is very different, I am different - but I haven't changed. I'm just me, finally. I have the courage be who I always knew I could be, and it's only now that I'm ready to meet the person I want to spend the second part of my life with. I actually enjoy dating and meeting new people and I know it's just a matter of time before I will meet somebody very special. But life is about much more than that. Ané with her depth, wisdom and experience has challenged me to become the most interesting, confident version of myself. She is the one of a kind and one of the kindest people I've ever met, but don't let her soft voice and exterior fool you - she's tough too. She was exactly who and what I needed as I went through this re-emergence out of my previous life, which I am also very grateful for. She taught me to define myself by who I am being, what I stand for and not to be define myself by my past. From the beginning she said that it would be almost impossible to know what was going to come out of our time together - we would both bring 100% to the table, but work like this isn't completely tangible. Some of what we started working on in the beginning is only now coming to fruition, 9 months later - it's ongoing, a work in progress, much like me. A journey that I'm more than happy to be on, by myself and also with somebody who will be aligned with the life I want. 'Aligned' has now become one of my favourite words too, thank you Ané for being a steady, guiding light through some of the most difficult times in my life. I'm forever grateful.
"There is a depth and sensitivity to Ané that's difficult to describe. Maybe one can call it knowing, because she's been there. And when one can sit with someone who is comfortable with pain and discomfort, it gives you the opportunity to breathe and open up, and allow light in the form of a new perspective, maybe even a gentle challenge. And your process/growth can start. That's what coaching with Ané is to me. It's in the way she listens. Difficult to describe. Best experienced."
Like many contemplative people, I was of the view that I had done the necessary soul-searching and knew what I wanted in a partner. It was just that I ‘couldn’t find him’. Thanks to Ane’s calming voice, attentive listening, and thought-provoking questions, I soon came to realise that the ‘specification’ of the person that I was ‘looking for’, was not consistent with the one that I would need in order to feel the way I want to feel in a secure and committed relationship. I also came to learn some views I had of myself that were undoubtedly holding me back. Ané’s insights, drawing from both her personal experience and research, have been the catalyst to help me uncover and tackle these thorny issues. I will be forever grateful.
I just want to say thank you for your advice and coaching Ané – I’d never understood how I could be so capable in most areas of my life and yet couldn’t fathom out why I wasn’t getting the love I wanted, but more importantly deserved… you have turned my life around thank you…xxx
Ané offers a gentle and deeply thoughtful response to anything you approach her with. She shares her experience and knowledge in a way that never leaves you disempowered, in fact, the opposite happens! She instills confidence and greater self-belief, she inspires and comforts – knowing that whatever we all deal with can be painful – entirely personal stuff that requires a great deal of patience and compassion. That’s what stands out, her compassion – whoever you are and wherever you are on your dating or relationship journey – you’ll be safe and welcome in her presence.
Ané is transformational. She has an amazing ability to literally get to the heart of the matter, ask those questions which underpin who and how we love and challenge how we love and respect ourselves. In her quiet, calm and compassionate way she steers a conscious course to more fulfilling relationships. I wish I’d met her years ago, but am so happy that from here my eyes are open and I feel so much more authentic and aware. She’s like an acupuncturist for the heart!
I recently realised that the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ cannot be said with certainty if from an emotional place. It needs to come from your core, deep down where values and character have figured a few things out already. And this is where I come from now: be sure to know that appointing Ané as coach to play a guiding part in your life, albeit for a short time, will be one of the best things you’ll do. You’ll never look back…
Thank you for creating such a supportive space to explore and reflect and for your lightness and thoughtful insight. It was really affirming and has helped to create a shift in my perspective to feel freer and more confident in my ability to make conscious choices. Your questioning about what is important to me really helps me to notice and relish those special qualities when they arise.
From our first session Ané gave me practical pointers that made a real difference. She has a real gift of helping tease out your unhelpful habits without making you feel like a dating disaster! Above all else, Ané is an exceptional listener and brings a calm gentle confidence to every session. She doesn’t tell you what to do as there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but she helps you re-discover your long-buried wonderful bits. I absolutely loved working with Ané and can honestly say that I feel happier than ever about myself and the way I approach men.