26 Feb Relationship Readiness – 17 Signs that you’re ready for your next relationship
When it comes to ‘relationship readiness’ your biggest friends are time and clarity.
If you’re serious about making your next relationship work – take your time to make sure you are truly relationship ready.
Be kind and patient with yourself. And with the process you’re going through. Getting through a painful breakup or divorce is a traumatic experience that brings a huge amount of pain and grief into your life – and it’s not to be skipped over lightly.
Many people deal with their pain (and fear of being alone) through getting involved with somebody else – often too soon. I hear from my clients how they’ve repeated these cycles of getting into new relationships without ever resolving why they didn’t work out in the first place. That’s often where we start our work. Unravelling it all and setting them on a new path to finally have the lasting and fulfilling relationship and deep connection they want.
If you’re in a place right now where you’re thinking about whether you’re ready for your next relationship – here is a list of some things to look out for in your own life. Things that can be an asset in your future relationship, rather than setting yourself up to fail or sabotage an otherwise great relationship just because you weren’t ready!
I know that ‘relationship readiness’ is very subjective – and only you can judge your own true readiness. Keep in that mind that just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re necessarily ready. And just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready. Yet.
There is a caveat of course – nobody’s life is perfect and I don’t believe we can ever be 100% ready and prepared because life will always surprise us. But we can do our part and get ourselves in the best possible place for love to find us.
Remember – it all starts with you!
Relationship readiness: 17 signs that you’re ready for your next relationship
- You’ve taken the time to take stock of what you want your life to look like going forward. You have a clear vision for your next relationship and how it fits in with what you still want to achieve – and it also exponentially increases your chances to meet somebody who wants the same things as you.
- You’re crystal clear about your physical and emotional boundaries and deal breakers. And you’re confident in your ability to communicate these when necessary. You know what you can’t live without in a relationship and you’re deeply confident that you will never (again) settle for less.
- You would love to be in a relationship with the right person, but you don’t need to be. You don’t expect another person or a relationship to meet all your needs and make you happy – you’re doing a pretty good job of this yourself!
- You understand your dating and relationship habits and patterns. Especially the unhelpful ones! You know what to do differently next time.
- You’re happy and successful being single. You’re enjoying your life, your work, your family and friends, and your own company. You’re living your life on your terms and you’re not looking for a new relationship out of desperation, loneliness or need. And you don’t expect a new relationship to ‘rescue’ you from emotional or financial problems.
- You’re starting with a clean slate. You’ve let go of the pain of the past and the unresolved stuff that’s been holding you back. Forgiveness is your friend and the biggest gift you can give yourself to help you move on.
- You’re ready and available for commitment. You’re done with the emotional (and legal) baggage from a previous marriage/relationship and it now longer takes all your time and energy. Now your schedule and lifestyle gives you the space to bring somebody new into your life.
- You’re happy with your job and the way your career is going. Your job is fulfilling, supports your lifestyle and doesn’t interfere with your availability for a new relationship. You’re able to prioritise getting out there and meeting somebody special!
- You’re healthy in body, mind and spirit. You’re taking care of yourself in every way and you’re reasonably happy and feeling good overall. A great place to be and it will show in everything you do!
- Your financial and legal business is handled. This is especially important while/after going through a divorce. You no longer have financial and/or legal issues that would interfere with the life and relationship that you want.
- Your family relationships are functional and reasonably happy. Not all of us come from happy supportive families and of course that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship. This is more to do with coming out of a painful breakup/divorce and your relationship with your children, ex, siblings, parents and extended family not interfering with, or sabotaging the life and future relationship that you want.
- You have effective dating skills. You’re proactive and initiate contact with people you want to meet, and you disengage from people who are not a match for you.
- You’ve learnt to not interpret infatuation, attraction, attachment and/or good sex as ‘love’. You keep your boundaries intact and balance your head with your heart.
- You’ve learnt to listen to your gut feeling and to not ignore or rationalise red flags. You’re able to walk away when you realise something or somebody is not good for you.
- You know what you want and what type of relationship you’re looking for. You’re open about where you’re up to on your journey and whether you’re looking for something casual, something short term or ‘recreational’ or a long term committed relationship.
- You’re just you. And you’re done with trying to jump through hoops to make yourself more appealing and attractive to somebody who don’t realise your worth.
- You know that when something is right it’s right. You know that when somebody is into you they don’t play games. They don’t make excuses and they take every opportunity to spend time with you and invest in you and a potential future together.
And that is worth waiting for.