26 Oct 046 The silent killer in our relationships
Something that has come up a lot for me recently, and for some of my clients – is the quite difficult topic of ‘expectations’ – or more to the point – what happens when we have so many unmet expectations that it starts to feel as if nothing is going in the direction we want it too.
Maybe you can relate?
People (family, friends, colleagues, partners, virtual strangers) not behaving, responding or reacting the way you expect them to?
A date not doing things or not behaving in a way you expected them to?
Career not going in the direction you’re expecting it to?
Business not going as well as you expect it to?
In my own experience, and in my work with my clients I find that one of the biggest ways we break our hearts is our own expectations.
We all have our own unique model of the world and how we perceive others and their behaviour, whether it directly affects us or not. And that is all ok.
But what happens when we become so rigid in our views and beliefs of how people ‘should’ behave and life ‘should’ unfold that we’re the ones suffering in the end?
And sometimes – we’re the hardest on ourselves because we have such high expectations of where we ‘should’ be at a certain stage in our lives, what we ‘should’ve’ achieved by now, what we should’ve learnt / known / experienced … this is a huge one for me, I must admit.
I believe it’s also true that one of the biggest causes of relationship and marriage breakdown is ‘expectation’ – or more accurately ‘unmet expectations’ – those expectations that we usually (unfairly) project onto others.
When we believe people ‘should’ behave or act a certain way, or a situation in life ‘should’ unfold a certain way we know that our expectations are at work.
I think as soon as we use, or hear the word ‘should’ we should see the expectation red flags waving!
Shakespeare said it so well when he said ‘Expectation is at the root of all heartache’ – so in this episode I dive into the world of expectation a little bit deeper.
I talk about
- my own interpretation of what ‘expectations’ actually are
- the difference between expectations, boundaries, deal breakers, standards, red flags in relationship
- how expectations can show up in our lives, love and relationships
- ways you can manage your own expectations and look at it from a different perspective
I hope you enjoy this episode with me – you’ll hear me say that I didn’t actually script it aside from a few bullets, so it’s just me talking from the heart.
Sending you much, much love and remember,
The Life and Love you’re seeking is seeking you.
Have a great week!
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