24 Jun 013I 5 Steps to free yourself from unhelpful dating patterns – with Madeleine Mason
Today we’re talking about something I think we all come across in our relationship lives at some point or another – and that is our own habits and patterns and the way we do things, respond to triggers, choices we make and so on. Often these habits and patterns are unhelpful as a minimum and when we look at it across the spectrum they can also become really toxic, damaging and destructive – not just to ourselves, but the people in our lives too, especially those closest to us.
Discovering and finding different ways of dealing with these sorts of habits and patterns is always something that come up in my coaching practice with my clients – and it is also something that I have to be personally very aware of. Not just in my own marriage, but also in my other relationships with family, colleagues and other areas in my life. It’s so easy to fall into a certain way or arguing or dealing with issues that actually hurt you rather than finding different, more constructive ways of dealing with it.
For today’s interview I’ve invited a special guest to come and talk to us about how we can change our unhelpful or destructive relationship habits and patterns.
Madeleine Mason is a psychologist and director of dating & relationship expert company, PassionSmiths. She is one of the best dating coaches in the world, picking up third place at the international iDate awards 2016. Her specialism is in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) based coaching and she works with both singles and couples who need help with their love lives.
Alongside her coaching, she is Psychologies Magazine’s in-house dating expert for their LifeLabs blogging platform and is seen regularly in the press. Furthermore, she is founding member of the UK-based Dating Industry Professionals Network, member of the British Psychological Society and currently undertaking a part-time doctorate in counselling psychology.
What we discuss and some questions I ask
- How would you define an unhelpful / destructive chronic and repetitive relationship habits or patterns?
- How do we recognise it in our own lives? How do they show up?
- What are the deep rooted issues underneath these habits and patterns?
- What are some of the most common toxic or destructive patterns you see in your practice?
- What are the signs of being in a toxic relationship would you say? How do you know?
5 Steps to free yourself from unhelpful dating patterns
- Write down as many things you dislike about dating as you can
- Rank them in order of annoyance / frustration (or pick the one that annoys/frustrates you most)
- Write down the reasons why you might be experiencing this (what might the true causes of the annoyance or frustration be)
- Go through each reason and see what you can do differently about each one
- Turn those points into an action plan and implement your changes
Madeleine shares her beautiful definition of love with us: “Ecstasy for the Soul” Love it!
Listen towards the end of the episode where Madeleine explains why this is her top relationship tip and how you can actually discover your own assumptions by using the word ‘because’.
And even though this may sound easier said than done it really can make a huge difference in your love life and relationships.
Wishing you all the best on your dating and relationship journey.
Look forward to connect with you again next week so don’t forget to tune it!
Find out more and connect with Madeleine Mason and the Passionsmiths Team
Tel. +44 (0) 203 726 9415
Madeleine and her team offer private face-to-face and Skype sessions to singles and couples struggling with their love lives. You can contact them to book a complimentary 10-minute consultation to find out more.