04 Jul 053 Get It Right Next Time: 7 Steps to Avoiding Another Failed Relationship
If you’ve been through a big breakup or divorce the avoiding another failed relationship may be at the forefront of your mind. It certainly was the case for me after my divorce. I knew that I was going to do whatever it took to never go through that again.
This episode a follow up on last week’s episode with Susan Quilliam where we talked about the three ways to choose the right partner for you. Susan had lots of practical examples and activities to use, as well as key questions you can ask yourself when figuring out if someone is right for you or not.
I want to take that a little step further by sharing with you my talk at a recent speaking event. If you’ve had a number of “failed” relationships, or if you’ve just come out of a big breakup or marriage breakdown, stick around to learn
- The 7 steps you can take to help you get closer to figuring out why things haven’t worked out for you up to now
- Why you’ve been choosing the relationships you have, and
- What you can do differently next time.
A lot of this means taking the time and energy to invest in yourself and your dating journey. We all have different ways of processing this, but when I do something like this, it’s all about reflecting and meditating on it, journalling about it so I can get it out of my head, and then of course DOING something about it.
I hope you can find some time to invest in yourself, and some inspiration and practical tips and things you can do that you can apply to your own journey.
In the show notes I only share the first three steps, so tune in to learn the last four. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. <3
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Step 1: Find Purpose
I’m not saying this easily. A breakup or a marriage breaking down can absolutely be a seismic shock in your life. But there comes a time when hopefully you can look back to see whether you can find some meaning in the things that you’ve gone through and be able to connect the dots.
- What was the purpose of your last relationship? What did it teach you about relationships? About what you want and don’t want?
- What was the purpose of that person in your life? What have they taught you – about yourself, about life, about love and relationships?
- What have you learned about yourself in the process? What will this mean for your dating journey and future relationship(s)?
Step 2: Identify Patterns
The best indicator of the future is often the past. I’m not saying that people can’t change, but this is very, very true. What we’re looking for is patterns in ourselves, but also in the people that we’re with and the dynamic that we create as a twosome.
Taking stock and having awareness about your patterns and habits that may be holding you back is key to moving forward and creating a new relationship dynamic with the next person that you’re going to be with.
- Think about yourself and your past relationships – what are the reoccurring themes that you can identify? What are the things that you know you tend to struggle with in a relationship? What kind of people have you been attracted to and chosen to be with? What do they have in common?
- What were the reasons for relationship(s) breaking down? What were the typical conflict points?
- What are the habits, patterns and behaviors around love and relationships that you learnt in your family of origin – and how are they impacting on your adult intimate relationships?
- What are your strengths? What makes you a really amazing partner and what can you build on, things that you know work for you?
Step 3: Discover Your Unique Blueprint
What makes you, you? What are the beliefs, blind spots and barriers underneath the surface that you might not be consciously aware of that may be holding you back?
After my marriage broke up, I became very aware that I tended to attract the proverbial emotionally unavailable man. It became a bit of a cliché almost.
When I took a closer look at myself, I realized that I was the emotionally unavailable one, and the kind of people I attracted and the relationships I created was basically a reflection of that. That was pretty tough to realize and take responsibility for, but at the same time, it was also wonderful because I knew I can do something about it.
Make sure you tune in to hear the last 4 steps!
I’d love to know – which of these steps resonated most deeply with you — and why?
How can you turn that insight into action now – what can you do differently from now on?
Let me know in the comments below.
Sending you much, much love and remember,
The Life and Love you’re seeking is seeking you.
Have a great week!
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