17 Oct 045 – Never Settle in Love – with Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell
Never Settle in Love – what an emotive topic (it really is for me personally). So easy to say, yet so complicated.
This episode with Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell is one of my all-time favourite podcast episodes.
Listening to Karin share her story of how she held out for the love she believed in, and getting married for the first time at 42 after calling off her first engagement at 34 – reminded me so much of my own journey and the choices I made that in the end led to divorce instead of my own ‘happy-ever-after’.
Where Karin decided to wait for a love she believed in, I went ahead with a marriage that I knew on some deep, deep level wasn’t right for me. I ignored and rationalised so many red flags – and in a way this was ‘settling’ too – for something that was already hurting me and diminishing who I was.
Writing it here in black and white is hard – and it’s been years. There is part of me that still feels a little ashamed of letting myself down like that. But I know why I did it, I’ve done enough work on myself to know that. And I’ve moved on – grateful every day for the experiences that have shaped me to be who I am today. My divorce is one of them.
It also resonated because these precious years for us as women often have a life changing impact on our ability, and capacity and choices to have children.
What if we don’t meet the right person? What if it’s too late for me? Do I go it alone? These are all questions I also struggled with when I found myself single again in my mid-thirties – and they are conversations I have on a regular basis with my clients.
After Karin called off her wedding it was another 6 years and more heartbreak before she finally found her person – The One she knew she was waiting for during the time she refused to settle for mediocre connection and living a life that would’ve been a lie.
After 27 years on the dating scene and now happily married, Karin encourages us to ‘make it happen’ by creating the best version of ourselves and refusing to settle in love or life.
She’s also the author of Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ’TiI it’s Right – inspiring singles to remain true to themselves as they navigate their way through the dating jungle.
You’ll hear us talk about
- the watershed moment Karin knew she couldn’t go ahead with her first marriage
- the internal and external pressures that may cause us to settle
- how she stayed patient waiting for the love she knew she wanted
- how she knew she would be ‘settling’ if she went through with her first wedding
- how do you know whether you’re settling or just being ‘realistic’?
- why do we override our instinct, our gut feeling – even if we know in our soul a person or relationship isn’t right for us?
- the strength and courage it takes to live a single and independent life
- what if you’re already in a relationship and not sure whether you’re ‘settling’ or not – and the concept of ‘not settling in marriage’
- how to transition from relationship into successful marriage
And MUCH more!
At the end of the episode Karin also shares 4 Things to Ask Yourself to Be Sure You’re Not Settling – super practical and straight forward questions to ask yourself.
I would really love to hear what you think and whether any of what we talked about resonates with you. Just comment below and let me know
Until next time
Connect with Dr.Karin Anderson Abrell
Podcast: Dr. Karin: Love & Life on iTunes or SoundCloud
Single is the New Black presents a new angle sorely needed in the self-help/relationship genre – one that counteracts the tired, clichéd messages women typically field, e.g. “You’re too picky! You’re too needy! You’re too neurotic, which is why you aren’t married.” Single is the New Black emboldens, rather than blames, and encourages women to stay true to themselves, remain strong, and never settle. It asserts that single women are smart, sexy, savvy “catches” that will eventually get “caught”. They aren’t screwed up and they can stop berating themselves for being single – it just hasn’t happened yet – which is perfectly fine because single is the new black! In Single is the New Black, Dr. Karin shares both relationship expertise and wisdom gleaned from her 27 years on the dating scene. Readers feel her empathy as one who’s “been there, done that”, while also finding inspiration in the fact that Dr. Karin refused to settle and eventually met and married The One.
What do you think?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this episode. Did Karin’s story resonate for you? Have you been through a similar experience – or did it resonate with you on some level? Leave a comment below and let’s chat – I’d love to hear from you!
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