22 Sep What is it going to take to be loved for who you are?
The nature of what I do means I get to have thought provoking and sometimes challenging conversations about love, dating and relationships – and I love it all.
Over time I’ve noticed that virtually every conversation I have with the wonderful women who contact me for dating, love and relationship advice starts with ‘DOING’ type questions.
*What do I need to do to meet more people / the right people?
*Where do I need to go?
*What should I say / not say / wear / not wear?
*When should I do x, y or z
*What can I do to get another person to feel a certain way?
*I’m doing everything I can possibly think of and it’s still not working for me?
*Everything else in my life is sorted apart from having the relationship I want and I don’t know what to do about it?
*What can I do to move on from my ex?
And while these are all valid and important questions – and of course we do delve into them, there is always THE ONE QUESTION that helps us to get to what we really need to talk about.
I want to share this with you because you may be asking the same questions, or your version of these right now.
There is something else that comes before ‘doing’ every single time.
In a world where we’re under fire from every angle to ‘do’ more this is a chance to step back and tap into what we really know to be true about ourselves.
I’ve learnt – in love and life (and business) – that the most helpful question is never really about how you DO things. (If it was only about ‘doing the right things’ we would all be in happy, amazing relationships – because we can find virtually every single answer to our questions online.)
And because I believe the quality of our lives is shaped by the questions we ask ourselves it’s important that we know the right questions to ask.
When it comes to love and life the most helpful question to ask is simply:
“Who are you BEING today to have the love and life you want tomorrow?”
Because Being Loved For Who You Are Needs You To Actually BE WHO YOU ARE. Unapologetically. All of You.
Having the love (and life) you want needs you
- to come out of the shadows of what you ‘should’ be doing and who you ‘should’ be
- to stop hiding the sides of yourself you’ve come to believe are ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’
- to stop playing small to make anyone else feel better about him/herself
It wants you, and needs you to show up for yourself first.
But for so many of us this seems to be the greatest struggle of our lives.
Partly because we don’t even know what means for us right now.
Partly because the fear of our own brilliance scares us.
Whatever the desire, longing or craving in your heart – if you feel it, it’s because your soul (who you really are) recognises it and because it is possible and available to you.
But you need to be believe in the possibility of it first. You need to believe that it is available to you. And then show up for it.
Something inside you is calling out to be heard and seen – the same way you want the love of your life to hear and see you.
Your soul is yearning for you to live your full potential, in love and life.
Will you choose to embrace all of yourself and in the process let yourself be seen?
Over and over I see that there is no one size fits all ‘plan’ when it comes to love – and life. Your journey is as unique as you are. It’s as unique as your BEING.
In all ways we need to find our own path – and the deep knowing that we are our own solution.
Any (dating; love; relationship) strategy you may follow, and tips or advice – no matter how good it sounds on the surface – will work unless you do what it takes to bring all of you to your journey. Unless you bring who you really are.
You. Are. Unforgettable. Unstoppable. Unique.
Please hear me – and believe me when I say that you have what it takes to have the love you want – and someone out there is hoping, praying and longing to meet you. Not somebody like you – but you.
I know it feels like a struggle some times, or even most of the time. I know you doubt yourself at times. I know there are times when you feel that finding your person may never happen for you. I remember feeling like this so often.
But the truth is that what you see and feel inside of you is what you will see outside of you.
And if it isn’t what you want – only you have the power and responsibility to change it. That is fantastically good news.
Because you have so much more power than you may realise, or feel that you have at the moment.
Whether you’re feeling exhausted and disheartened with your journey to love, or you’re in the process of healing after a breakdown or divorce –
remember to focus on your BEING,
rather than your doing.
Knowing you. Being you. Fully you. The Real You.
The shadow and the light.
The mess and the success.
This is where it’s at. Home.
I am absolutely 100% still on this journey too, and just writing this and being here with you reminds me of this every step of the way. I’m with you.
Your Soulmate Love needs your Soul to shine and show up. And they’re waiting for you.
*Remember, the love and life you’re seeking is seeking you.
Ps. Have you joined The Next Chapter – my Private, Women-Only Facebook Group yet? I’d LOVE to hang out with you there – and you can ask me anything you like anytime. Just hop over there now – it would be wonderful to welcome you! x