Seven Questions About Love We Should All Ask Ourselves | Dating Coach Ané Auret

Seven Questions About Love We Should All Ask Ourselves

We can’t change what we don’t know. 

We can’t let go of what we’re not aware of.  

We repeat what we don’t heal. 

 

Knowing and understanding who you are in love, how you function in your relationships and why and how you attract the people you do is crucial in attracting the right person for you and creating the committed relationship you’re looking for.

Finding out what’s blocking you from finding the love you want and what is causing you to settle, compromise or sabotage yourself and your relationships is one of the most important things you could ever do for yourself and any future relationship.  I call these obstacles your Love Blocks – and we all have them to some extent.

Our Love Blocks determine who we attract and how we feel, behave and act in our relationships.  They show up in the people we choose to date, how we feel about ourselves in our relationships and how we perceive and experience giving and receiving love.  They also show up in the patterns we repeat that are often unhelpful and destructive.

Most of these processes happen subconsciously – unless we take the time to become consciously aware and discover our own true nature when it comes to love.

It is part your unique subconscious blueprint that has developed since your earliest moments in your family of origin, and is still being developed today through your experiences and perceptions as you go through life.  Over time you’ve internalised what you’ve seen, heard, observed, felt and experienced as you grew up – and much of that is still subconsciously driving your behaviours, decision and choices as an adult – in very powerful ways.

For many of us our earliest experiences have been confusing and painful.  Based on this we’ve made some decisions along the way about ourselves, how we approach love and allow ourselves to be loved.

Many of us have also had relationship experiences later in life that have left us wounded, disillusioned and doubting ourselves, our ability to attract the right person for us and creating the lifelong commitment we want.

The 7 questions are designed to help you uncover, understand and resolve your unique Love Blocks – those destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity and unresolved pain that may be there under the surface.

 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”- Rumi

 

Your Assignment – the key questions are numbered and then I’ve included prompts to support your thinking

 

1. What are my deepest held beliefs about Love, ie.

  • Love is….
  • Love isn’t…
  • In my life, love has always been…
  • When it comes to love, this is what I believe is possible for me…
  • This is what I’ve learnt / know for sure when it comes to love…
  • The love I want to create in my life is…
  • I feel loved when…
  • The kind of love I accept is…
  • What kind of legacy do I want to lead with my life, and what kind of love will support that…

 

 

2. What are my deepest held beliefs about Dating, ie.

  • Dating is….
  • Dating isn’t…
  • In my life, dating has always been…
  • When I think about dating I….
  • My approach to dating can best be described as…
  • The purpose of being single is…
  • The purpose of dating is…
  • I love dating when…
  • The stories I tell myself / thoughts I repeat / conversations I have with my friends about         dating…  (what are you consistently saying to yourself and others about dating / dating again etc)

 

3. What are my deepest held beliefs about Men/Women?

  • Men/Women are….
  • Men/Women aren’t…
  • The Man/Woman I’m looking for is…
  • The Men/Women I’ve attracted in the past have this in common….
  • I am a match for people I’ve attracted up to now because…
  • The way I recognise a Man/Woman truly loving me is…
  • My views on masculine / feminine energy in relationships…

 

4. What are my deepest held beliefs about Relationships (and more specifically long term, committed relationships/marriage?)

  • Relationships are…
  • Relationships aren’t …
  • My romantic relationships have always been…
  • When it comes to having the committed, long term relationship/marriage I want, this is what I believe is possible for me…
  • When it comes to a long term, committed relationship/marriage this I know for sure…
  • My deepest fear(s) about my next long term relationship / marriage…
  • My greatest hopes for my next long term relationship / marriage…
  • Why I will be an incredible partner/wife/husband…

 

 

5. What are my deepest held beliefs about ME and love?

This section is in 2 parts – one exploring your family of origin and its potential impact on your adult relationship, and the other to explore your own adult relationship with love 

 

Part 1

  • What was the general view around my family relationships as I grew up?
  • What was/is my relationship like with my mother like as a child, and now as an adult?
  • What was/is my relationships like with my father as a child, and now as an adult?
  • Do I notice similarities in my romantic relationships and that of my parents?
  • Are there any unhealed or unresolved issues within my family of origin / parents that may be   impacting my adult relationships?

 

 

Part 2

  • Why I believe I don’t (yet) have what I want when it comes love/relationship…
  • When it comes to love in an intimate relationship I am…
  • When it comes to love in an intimate relationship I want to feel…
  • When it comes to love in intimate relationships I believe the following is possible for me…
  • The ways I tend to sabotage myself and my relationships…
  • My strengths in intimate relationships are…
  • Loving myself means…
  • What I want more than anything…
  • 3 Key Things that I’ve learnt about myself throughout my relationship history…
  • My perspective on ‘Soulmates’…

 

6. What are my deepest held beliefs about physical intimacy and sex?

  • Intimacy/sex is…
  • Intimacy/sex isn’t…
  • In my life intimacy/sex has always been…
  • The role of sex/intimacy in a relationship…
  • When I think of sex/intimacy in a long term, committed relationship / marriage I feel…
  • When it comes to intimacy/sex, this is what I believe is possible for me…
  • When it comes to intimacy/sex, this is how I want to feel…
  • This is what I know for sure about intimacy/sex…
  • How my relationship with my body affect how I feel about sex/intimacy..

 

7. What are my deepest held beliefs about Commitment and being in the committed relationship I want?

  • Commitment is…
  • Commitment isn’t…
  • Commitment means…
  • In my life,Commitment has always been…
  • When I think of being in a committed relationship/marriage I feel…
  • When it comes to Commitment, this is what I believe is possible for me…
  • This is what’ve learnt/ what I know for sure about Commitment…

Reflection and bringing it all together

When you look back at what you’ve written:

  • is there anything that surprised you?
  • did you notice any themes or patterns?
  • anything you (now) consciously realise may be impacting on how you are experiencing your current dating and relationship journey?

Next Steps 

  1. My biggest insight(s) after completing the 7 Questions
  1. My 3-5 strongest areas that will support my dating journey and finding love (again)
  1. The top 3 – 5 areas that may be sabotaging or blocking my dating journey and/or a future relationship
  1. 5 Action steps that I can start taking right away to move forward
  1. What do I need support with and how will I go about putting this in place 

 

Well done!

You’ve done an incredible amount of work and asked yourself questions that most people would never do.

It’s so easy to focus our attention on what it is that we want that we sometimes forget about actually getting creating space for it by getting rid of what stands in our way in the first place.

I hope that this first step will help you on your way to letting go of anything that may be standing in your way.

All my love

Ané

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