7 Questions about love we should all ask ourselves - Dating Coach Ané Auret

7 Questions about love we should all ask ourselves

Knowing and understanding who you are in love, how you function in your relationships and why and how you attract the people you do is crucial in attracting the right person for you and creating the committed relationship you’re looking for. 

I call this your Love Blueprint.   The way your romantic relationships play out in life is deeply rooted in your story of love – your attachment style, love languages, patterns, behaviours, choices and key decisions you’ve made about yourself and your place in the world.  It is a subconscious paradigm that has developed since your earlier moments in your family of origin and is still being developed today through your experiences and perceptions as you go through life. 

All of us have internalised what we’ve seen, heard, observed, felt and experienced as we grew up and much of that is still subconsciously driving our behaviours today as adults.

Your journey to love is as unique as you are – and so is your Love Blueprint.  

Sometimes we have blocks that are holding us back that we aren’t aware of.

The truth about attracting genuine, healthy love in your life is that unless you get to the root of what is blocking love from your life, or you may be blocking yourself from moving forward, you will not change your experience of of love.

Finding out what’s blocking you from finding the love you want (destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity and unresolved pain) gives you your power back when it comes to dating and creating a lasting, healthy and mature relationship.

For many of us our earliest experiences have been confusing and painful.  Based on this we’ve made some decisions along the way about ourselves, how we approach love and allow ourselves to be loved.

Many of us have also had relationship experiences later in life that have left us wounded, disillusioned and doubting ourselves, our ability to attract the right person for us and creating the lifelong commitment we want.

These Love Blocks determine who we attract and how we feel, behave and act in our relationships.  They show up in the men we choose to date, how we feel about ourselves in our relationships and how we perceive and experience giving and receiving love.

Most of these processes happen subconsciously – unless we take the time to become consciously aware and discover our own true nature.

A core part of your Love Blueprint is discovering your Love Blocks – and in this exercise it means discovering your deepest held beliefs about yourself, love, dating, men, relationships, intimacy and commitment at this stage in your life – given everything you’ve been through up to now.

I’ve compiled the 7 key questions to help you make a start – there are prompts with each question to help your thinking.  These are guidelines only and you can add as much you want – whatever comes up for you.  After you’ve completed the questions there is opportunity to reflect and bring it together and identify any patterns and other observations you may have.

It’s really best not to censor yourself or overthink this at all – just start writing and it will flow.

And take your time – it may take several days or weeks to work through this.  I find that when you start opening the door to these thoughts more and more things will come to you as time goes on because your subconscious will be working on it too.

Your Assignment – the key questions are numbered and then I’ve included prompts to support your thinking

 

1. What are my deepest held beliefs about Love, ie.

Love is….

Love isn’t…

In my life, love has always been…

When it comes to love, this is what I believe is possible for me…

This is what I know for sure when it comes to love…

 

2. What are my deepest held beliefs about Dating, ie.

Dating is….

Dating isn’t…

In my life, dating has always been…

When I think about dating I….

My approach to dating at the moment…

The purpose of dating is…

3. What are my deepest held beliefs about Men/Women?

Men/Women are….

Men/Women aren’t…

The Man/Woman I’m looking for is…

The Men/Women I’ve loved have this in common….

The way I recognise a Man/Woman truly loving me is…

 

4. What are my deepest held beliefs about Relationships (and more specifically long term, committed relationships/marriage?)

Relationships are…

Relationships aren’t …

My romantic relationships have always been…

When it comes to having the committed, long term relationship I want, this is what I believe is possible for me…

When it comes to a long term, committed relationship this I know for sure…

 

5. What are my deepest held beliefs about ME and love?

The love I deserve is ..

When it comes to love in an intimate relationship I am…

When it comes to love in an intimate relationship I want to feel…

When it comes to love in intimate relationships I believe the following is possible for me…

The ways I tend to sabotage myself and my relationships…

What I want more than anything…

Why I believe I don’t have what I want when it comes love/relationship…

Loving myself means…

 

6. What are my deepest held beliefs about physical intimacy and sex?

Intimacy/sex is…

Intimacy/sex isn’t…

In my life intimacy/sex has always been…

When it comes to intimacy/sex, this is what I believe is possible for me…

This is what I know for sure about intimacy/sex…

 

7. What are my deepest held beliefs about Commitment and being in the committed relationship I want?

Commitment is…

Commitment isn’t…

In my life,Commitment has always been…

When it comes to Commitment, this is what I believe is possible for me…

This is what I know for sure about Commitment…

 

Reflection and bringing it all together

When you look back at what you’ve written:

– is there anything that surprised you?

– did you notice any themes or patterns?

– anything you (now) consciously realise may be impacting on how you are experiencing your current dating and relationship journey?

 

Well done – you’ve done a huge amount of work and asked yourself questions that most people never really think about all their lives.

 

Please do keep your notes safe – this is an integral part of your journey ahead and I can’t wait to hear all about it as we dive deeper into your personal Love Blueprint.

You may feel inspired to keep this as a working document as we go along – and we will definitely reflect on it as we go through the process.

 

All my love

Ané

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